There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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