ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
