You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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