We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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