how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
