I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize