i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
