the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
