My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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