We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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