i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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