When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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