Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He? As in you personified your dick?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
