This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
