I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
