just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
