I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
