dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
