When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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