first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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