I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
