u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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