Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
