yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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