I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
