he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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