You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
