**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what day is it and did you see me today?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize