You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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