Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
