Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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