listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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