Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
