sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
