We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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