she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
