Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
