I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
