Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
