Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
