He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He did a backflip because drugs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
