I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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