Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
