he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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