just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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