Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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