I hate your face
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
