the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
