do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
