just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
