Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
