i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
