I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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