You're so nebulous sometimes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
