I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
