Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
two words...techno handjob
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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