I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
