On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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