It's like God shit irony all over that family
Four minutes until I can fart!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
