Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
