So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
