So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize