Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
