I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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