Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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