Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
