he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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