no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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