Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
