If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Non-Jews are for practice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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