you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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