Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
