Small penises have feelings too.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
